Monthly Archives: July 2009

to the next level

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It looks like Jesus is calling for reinforcements.

Not for himself. For you.

He is talking about what to do when you see someone sinning, someone doing something that God has indicated not to do.  (That’s highlighted as a reminder that I don’t get to decide what counts as a sin.)

After talking with a person one on one, Jesus says, “if he will not listen, take one or two others along, so that ‘every matter may be established by the testimony of two or three witnesses.’

What it feels like is ganging up. But  think about how the conversation would sound.

You go to your friend. You say, “that looks like something you shouldn’t be doing. Am I misunderstanding or are you actually choosing to do something God asked us not to do?”

Your friend says, “Nope, you’ve got it right. I’ve thought about it and I think that in this situation, what God said doesn’t apply to me.”

You say, “But don’t you see what that means?  Are you sure?”

Your friend says, “yep. I’m sure.”

You could do nothing. You could tell everyone what your friend is doing. Both of those have problems. The former lets your friend keep doing what will hurt. The latter is gossip.

So Jesus says, “Make sure.”  Ask your friend if you can come back with a couple other people. They can listen so you and your friend have someone who can say, “No one’s making this up.” They can help both sides know whether someone is misunderstanding the other. They can represent maturity (which is in the Deuteronomy text Jesus quotes).  They lend a  seriousness to the conversation.

This isn’t about ganging up. It’s about slowing down, listening to be sure of what each is saying.

It’s an unrush to judgment.

maybe it will work

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“If he listens to you.”

Jesus is talking about how to talk to someone about sin, someone in your spiritual family, someone who already has agreed to the house rules and is now bending or breaking them.

As we have seen, Jesus says to  talk to them.

“If he listens to you.”

We assume that people don’t like to be corrected. We assume that that, whatever the sin is, whatever the offense, the person meant what they did and want to persist in their behavior. We assume it because, well, because, um.

We assume it because we look in the mirror and know that we don’t like to be corrected.

But for many of us, most of the time, we are not planning to willfully pursue a flagrant disregard of God’s directions. In fact, for many of us, most of the time, a close friend, a spouse, a sibling, a child approaching us and saying that it looks like we have sinned and that they are concerned for us will cause us to stop.

We see the love. We understand what it took for this person to raise the issue. We know from the Holy Spirit gently poking at us that we are out of line, out of alignment with God’s desire.

“If he listens to you.”

Of course, it is possible in the conversation that we will discover that we have misread the situation, that we have misjudged the person. That happens, too, and we must be willing to listen.

What is most likely, however, after building a community of trust, that we will have seen rightly, that they will listen to us, and that their behavior will change.

“If he listens to you, you have won your brother over.”

If not, there is a next step.

Witnesses.

Tomorrow.

But, did Jesus?

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We’re looking at Jesus talking about how to address sin. We’re looking at a passage that is used as a guideline for what is called “church discipline.” We’re looking at the beginning of the process, where Jesus says, “If your brother sins, tell him.”

As I thought about the process, I thought, “But, did Jesus do this?”

The question comes because it is hard to help other people consider sin. The question comes because Jesus often says something and then lives it. The question comes because if we are learning from Jesus how to follow him, it would be interesting to see if/how he lived what he taught.

Do did Jesus ever look at someone who sinned and address them individually?

You mean like he did with Martha who was rushing around ignoring him? He spoke to and said, “listen to me.“

You mean like he did with a woman whose relationships were, as Facebook says, “complicated?”  He spoke to her and said, “I’d like to help you fill the hole in your heart.”

You mean like he did with Peter who had abandoned Jesus and then denied ever knowing Him? Jesus spoke to him and said, three times, “Do you love me? Feed my sheep.”

You mean like person after person who came for healing and he told, “your sins are forgiven.”

Jesus consistently put himself in the presence of people who had sinned and gently but specifically pointed out the problem, offered forgiveness, and continued to have  a relationship with them. There is a serious informality, a warmth. Sometimes we see a response. Sometimes we don’t. Likely, there are many such conversations we don’t see.

When Jesus says, “If your brother sins, tell him,” Jesus was merely saying, “Here’s the restoration principle you have been watching me live.”

beginning a community of trust

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If your brother sins, tell him.*

That sounds so judgmental. That sounds so critical. That sounds so invasive. After all, we say, who am I to tell anyone that they have messed up? My own life is so far from perfect.

Exactly.

Who better to sit down, quietly, away from everyone else, and say, “Here’s what I noticed. Here’s what it looks like. Here’s why I’m the last one to point fingers. But we’re doing what Jesus said to do.”

This is a quiet conversation, a humble conversation, a Jesus-righteous rather than self-righteous conversation. This is a conversation between two people. This is a conversation rooted in family relationship — not (necessarily) biological family, but the family which grows with God as the Dad. This is an invitation to a community of helping each other see what we can’t see ourselves and being grateful that others will do the same for us. The point is not to be critical, but to be clean.

This probably doesn’t mean going to six people and saying, “I have to talk to brother Dave about that horrible problem of his. Please pray that he will listen.” That approach often, though not always, is a blend of seeking affirmation, gossiping, and avoidance.

Instead, this a serious but informal interaction  happening on a regular basis between people who care deeply about each other, expecting and encouraging the best from each other.

———
* Some of the Greek manuscripts, the early copies of the Bible say, “sins against you.” Most do not. As a result, some of our English translations say “against you,” some do not.

In a sense, it doesn’t matter. Any sin that disrupts your life, disrupts mine. The closer the community, the greater the disruption.

——

Tomorrow: We’ll look at how Jesus followed his own direction.

helping each other grow.

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Your brother Dave is a good guy. He really is. So when you see him look twice at the waitress at lunch, you don’t think much about it. Your sister Helen is a wonderful cook. So when she stands in the kitchen after dinner talking with some friends about the neighbor’s peculiar habits, you don’t think much about it. Old uncle Ed has been part of family events since, well  since before you were born. When he starts telling his jokes about those people, you all squirm, but that’s just uncle Ed.

We all know Dave and Helen and Ed. We often are Dave and Helen and Ed. We care about them deeply. We want them to be wonderful growing people. We don’t want to do anything to hurt them.

So we harm them.

All the time.

Every time we let Dave think that admiring that waitress is acceptable, we are harming him. Every time we let Helen rip apart the neighbors, we are harming her. Every time we let uncle Ed slander a race or a nationality or a culture, we are harming him.

How?

Because we are telling each of them that Jesus doesn’t really matter.

Jesus spoke specifically about lust and gossip and hate. And he spoke very specifically about talking to family members about those things. Not to everyone, mind you, but to family members.

For the next few days we will look at what Jesus says in Matthew 18:15-20 about sin and relationship and conversation and restoration. It’s a hard topic. It hurts to talk to other people about sin, theirs and ours.

However, our calling as followers is to follow better, closer, more completely, more freely. Helping each other in this calling is pretty important. It’s worth thinking through.

And so we will. Starting tomorrow.