Category Archives: dear Jon

How can I start praying again?

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Dear Jon:

Something just hit me and I hope I don’t get struck down for saying this: I used to pray, something I used to do quietly on my own since I was a kid. But a year ago or so, I began questioning the purpose: If God has a plan for me and knows what I need, why barrage Him with all of these pesky DMs? But, if the purpose of prayer is more to lay our woes at His feet so they aren’t constantly zinging around our heads, then that makes more sense.

Dear friend:

I understand your thinking. I’m wrestling through some of the things that we tell people about prayer myself. What I’m pretty clear about though is that praying is more like this conversation we are having than it is like DM’d spam.

Think about our relationship, you and me. We’ve met face to face just a couple times. But we touch base through twitter pretty often. And we email several times a year. And we are both involved in a group of people who are interacting with each other at least quarterly.

Though we are able to do things for each other, particularly help each other think, the best part of our relationship is that we have a relationship. We are friends in ways that surpass the distance, that surpass the specific actions we can do for each other.

The content of the communication is often less important than the fact that we are interacting. Every touch, every exchange, deepens and enriches our understanding of each other.

I think that’s what God’s desiring as we pray. Doing stuff is part of it. Sometimes it’s handing off woes. But the bigger thing is developing a relationship between persons. With one of those persons being God.

–

Related posts on prayer:

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Dear Jon: Bible studies for couples.

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“Do you have any suggestions for Bible studies for couples?”

That was a question this week from a friend. She has a friend whose parents just divorced. It scared her friend. Her friend wants to start some kind of Bible study with her husband, to strengthen the marriage.

I never know how to answer those questions. I’m not good at “Here’s a book of devotionals for couples.” I’m also not good at “Here’s a book of devotionals.” I wouldn’t be writing them myself.

That said, here’s what I said.

1. Have them read a solid daily book like My Utmost for His Highest (and online). Read it separately. Then, when they are casting about for conversation about something other than the kids and teething and school and bills, talk about the crazy thing that Chambers wrote and how would you ever put that into practice.

2. Have them just read the Bible wherever they want individually in areas that fit their personalities. One might be more poetic, so read some of the psalms. The other might be more story-driven and read through 1 and 2 Samuel. Then spend 5 minutes a day listening to each other talk about what has been cool about what was read recently. Because the reading matches personality, the observations may give insights into the spouse.

3. Have them read the Bible texts that were part of the previous week’s sermon. Or the text for the week in the lectionary. And then try to remember what the pastor said.

4. Take turns learning parables and telling them to the kids. One per week.

5. Without even talking to each other, talk to God about each other. Say, “God, you know what’s going on that my spouse is afraid to tell even me. Give me words that will encourage. Help me read what will help.”

But sometimes it’s hard to go to church.

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Responding to this survey, one of you asked:

What do you do if you don’t like to go to church on Sunday mornings? What do you do if every time you try and go to church the service makes you cry so you get embarrassed and don’t go back? What do you do if someone at church is giving you unwanted attention?

Often, when I’m in a church service away from where I work, I end up in tears. I think that it becomes the one time in my week when I completely stop and let something out of my control wash over me, something that is developed by people who are asking God to speak.

I wonder whether reading Girl Meets God: A Memoir (Lauren Winner) or Amazing Grace: A Vocabulary of Faith (Kathleen Norris)  might help you. The first I just read, the second I’ve read often. Both are by women who have been on long spiritual journeys, who have struggled with the language and practice of church, and who write thoughtfully and clearly. I don’t always agree with them, but they help me.

When thinking about your question, I read Psalm 38. A couple parts stood out. In the middle, David talks about being alone, about being abandoned by friends. At the end, he says to God, “don’t turn your back, please be near, come quick to help.” The plaintive passion of those words grabs me.

And one other thought: find a confessor. I don’t mean a priest necessarily. I mean someone you can tell, honestly, “here’s my struggle, here’s my sin” and who can say, “God forgives that, you know.” And who can sit next to you on a Sunday morning when you want to cry and say, “He still does.” And glare lovingly at prying eyes.

dear jon: all y’all.

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Here’s the start of an occasional series.

Dear Jon

Is “All Y’all” an appropriate form of address for the triune God??

a friend

Dear Friend

Andrew played soccer for many years. Andrew’s name was, and is, “Andrew.” Except when it’s “Swanson.” Nancy and I have called him several names, but those are our names and he recognizes them because he recognizes us. And the relationship.

Four or five years into his career, a new coach on a new team was watching practice. “Andy,” he called out. Andrew kept going. “Andy,” the coach called. Andrew kept going.

Andrew had no idea that he was Andy.

It may be that your question is whether God will recognize us if we call him by a nickname or if he’ll keep running.

Y’all, as  you know, is usable to indicate either “you singular” or “you plural.” I have often used it – though I only lived in the South for three years – because it favors the “you plural”, and those of use from the North have no such alternative. What is nice about “all y’all” is that it is clearly ”you plural.” As such, it is a wonderfully accurate way to talk to Father, Son, and Spirit in a way that speaks equally to all three. (It seems nicer than “youse guys”.)

I’m guessing, however, that you are concerned less about linguistic accuracy and more about being overly familiar. As such, your implied question may be, “Will God strike me with lightening if I say ‘would all y’all give my dying friend strength’ instead of something more formal and otherworldly.”

I know. A universe-creator and history-maker deserves honor. But the point of Jesus putting on flesh and walking around here is that God was committed to bridging the conversational divide.

Go ahead and reply, all y’all.