Tag Archives: fear

the doors were still locked

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Thomas gets beat up by history.

He is known by everyone as “doubting Thomas.” No one remembers that he was the disciple who said, “we’ll probably all die, but let’s follow Jesus anyway.” Ho one remembers that the rest of the disciples didn’t believe the women on Easter Sunday.

I’ve never noticed, until now, that though the rest of the disciples  had seen Jesus, their behavior wasn’t much different than Thomas a week after the resurrection. In fact, on the night that Jesus showed Thomas his hands and side, Thomas expressed more faith than the rest.

John is telling us about the appearances of Jesus. He writes,

“On the evening of that first day of the week, when the disciples were together, with the doors locked for fear of the Jews, Jesus came and stood among them and said, “Peace be with you.” [John 20:19]

Why were the doors locked? Because they were afraid. And well they should be. This was the church in its infancy. And that is a risky time for new beings.

Jesus appears. Jesus talks with them. Jesus disappears. They talk to Thomas. Thomas expresses his infamous doubt.

And, John says,

A week later his disciples were in the house again, and Thomas was with them. Though the doors were locked, Jesus came and stood among them and said, “Peace be with you!” [John 20:26]

The doors were still locked. Thomas could be excused. He wasn’t sure that Jesus was alive. But the rest of them had seen Jesus. They knew that everything he had said was true. They had seen that he could die and then live.

But they were still afraid. Because he still had to say, “Peace.” And the doors were still locked.

And we still lock our doors in fear.

the day in between

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We know how the story turned out. We know that there was a resurrection. We know that hope was realized, that everything turned out great. We know that Sunday made up for Friday.

But on the Saturday between Good Friday and Easter Sunday, on the first of those Saturdays, on the one that happened before there was an Easter Sunday, no one on earth knew for sure what was going to happen. There had been promises, yes. There had been assurances. There had been prophecies and predictions. There was faith.

But Jesus was dead. Jesus was in the tomb. Jesus was gone.

We don’t know anything about that day, about the feelings or actions of the disciples. We know that on Sunday they were hiding. But we don’t know if they went to the temple on the Sabbath.

Think about it. For the previous three years, they had spent Sabbath with Jesus. They had gone to the temple or to the synagogue. They had heard him read, they had watched him heal, they had listened to him debate. The sabbath had been a big time of activity for Jesus.

And now he’s gone. What do they do?

The ones in charge of the meeting places killed him. The one who was transforming their lives had gotten himself killed.

The disciples had to be feeling pretty uncertain about religion on that day.

We end up in that same place. We have many days in between, between our affirmations of faith and the evidences of God’s action. We pray and there isn’t healing yet. We hope and the job is still missing. We ache and the child is still somewhere else.

Easter Sunday tells us that God does the impossible. Easter Saturday reminds us that we are invited to live with faith.

storm

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Commercial fishermen understand weather.

Commercial fishermen understand water.

That understanding is their salary. That understanding is their life.  That understanding can mean their life, when a storm comes up unexpectedly.

One day Jesus climbs in a boat. His disciples follow him. A storm comes up. They are scared to death. They are scared of death.

I have to wonder if there was any time between Jesus climbing in the boat and the conversation that is recorded immediately before. Because if the one happened immediately after the other, at least one of the disciples had to be thinking, “‘follow me’, he says, and we follow him into a boat and now we’ll die. And if we die out here, only the dead will be able to bury the dead.”

And that’s how it works. We heard a lesson on Sunday. We heard a sermon. We taught a lesson. And in the process we decided that we were going to follow, we were going to get in the boat when Jesus dis. We were going to be there with him.

Sometime overnight a storm kicked up. It’s there in your email this morning, or on your voicemail, or in your mind when you wake up at 4:00am to let the dog out. You get in the boat, there is a storm, and Jesus decided to sleep in.

At least that’s what happened for the disciples. There is a storm, the kind that makes even commercial fishermen scared and Jesus is not paying attention, not caring, not waking up.

But if he’s in the boat, is he really going to let it sink? Really?

Or is he allowing enough storm that no one on the boat can handle it without him? No one, on their own, can ride it out.

But with him?

standing on the edge, nervously

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Matthew is, according to some scholars, broken into five distinct sections, in addition to an introduction and a conclusion. Each of the five major sections has an historical narrative and a discourse by Jesus.

The first narrative section ends at the end of chapter 4. The discourse starts with chapter 5 and runs through chapter 7. It is a section of the Bible that is known as “The Sermon on the Mount.”

I’ve noticed that I have been spending a lot of time on the verses right before that discourse.

On one hand, the kind of close analysis we have been doing is fine. It is interesting to think about the beginning of Jesus’ ministry. On the other hand, if I’m honest, I need to acknowledge that moving ahead is scary. There is a lot of teaching in the next three chapters. There is a lot of teaching about the next three chapters. Many people have spent much time thinking about, explaining, exploring these words of Jesus, this summary of what following looks like.

And I am, I think, a little afraid to move ahead. What if I am challenged? What if I discover that I’m not living up to what Jesus is saying? What if, rather that his words being really complex, they are really simple? What if, as a result, I have little excuse for the choices I make, for the avoidance I live with?

I think that the challenge for all followers of Jesus, for all disciples, is that we have to make regular decisions to take the next step, fully aware that we may find it challenging or convicting but fully convinced that to do otherwise is to part ways with the relationship our souls crave.

I’ll be back on Monday with Matthew five. Pray with me for courage.