At the beginning of 2012, when I was working on my health, I had to look at why I was snacking. What was happening inside and outside of me that made me think eating something was the appropriate response?
The question is, “When I do that, what am I really doing?” That kind of analysis helped me change my snacking. Twelve months and forty pounds later, I’ve made progress. I’m still learning.
But in this series on learning a new routine, it’s too easy to talk about things like weight. So I need to take you to a question from last week.
Why do I look at statistics?
The kind of work I do requires reflection. The words I write have power. They shape how people think, first me, then you. Sometimes the work is scary. I am afraid of where I have to go. When I start to feel a little stress, a little uncertainty about whether I am doing the right thing, without being aware, I distract myself. I look at one of several online statistics or social media sites. I can say “see, this many hits” or “that person needs an answer from me” and then I feel better and can go on.
But look at that more closely.
I don’t want to do the work of writing, because that is personal. That might reveal things first to me, then to you, that I don’t want to reveal. So, in the space when I could be thinking and wrestling, instead I look at external measures. I think, without thinking of course “my value is in what people think of me.”
It’s a quick fix of reputation crack.
It’s a piece of a routine that left unaltered will take me in the wrong direction.
A routine that I can now start to change. Because I looked closely.