It’s my birthday.

If I were really bold, I would write to you about all the things that I have learned for sure. Or I would write about all the ways that I have messed up.

Instead, I just wanted to give you a list of some things I’m learning.

• After all these years, I am still trying to measure up (to something or other). But I am learning that no one is actually measuring.
• I am learning that the way I work is actually the way I work. Brainstorming lists of ideas in fits and starts is how I’m built.
• I am learning that I can be helpful to you without being you.
• I am learning that I have spent way too much time being stalled by anticipating what people might think if we tried doing this or that thing.
• I am learning that “bold” doesn’t mean obnoxious. Not always. Sometimes it means distinctive, like bold coffee. An acquired taste, a clear choice. I think I am called to be bold in that different way.
• I have written more words than I ever thought I could, simply by writing some every day.
• I really really really like Nancy and our kids. (Love them, of course. But like them, too.)
• I’m glad I know you. And you. Maybe not you.
• I can look at death several times a week, and not be wrecked every time, but am respectful every time. But sometimes I’m wrecked.
• If I only had a week to live, I would probably do the things that are already on my schedule. Although I would probably finally make a list of my passwords.
• I’m better at some things than I think. And I think I’m better at some things than I am. And I haven’t failed enough at learning how to get better at some other things.

And I have learned that sometimes the best thing I do is to ask the questions that are in the room but we don’t want to ask.

• What if the next step is to stay where you are?
• What if the boldest thing you could do would be to be kind?
• What if God is right: That we are loved, and we are disobedient and we are called and we are invited and we are capable of remarkable things, and he is willing to do more than we could ask or imagine and we are stubborn and we are created in his image?
• What if the gifts he has given you and me are sufficient for the work he has given you and me?