Responding to this survey, one of you asked:

What do you do if you don’t like to go to church on Sunday mornings? What do you do if every time you try and go to church the service makes you cry so you get embarrassed and don’t go back? What do you do if someone at church is giving you unwanted attention?

Often, when I’m in a church service away from where I work, I end up in tears. I think that it becomes the one time in my week when I completely stop and let something out of my control wash over me, something that is developed by people who are asking God to speak.

I wonder whether reading Girl Meets God: A Memoir (Lauren Winner) or Amazing Grace: A Vocabulary of Faith (Kathleen Norris)  might help you. The first I just read, the second I’ve read often. Both are by women who have been on long spiritual journeys, who have struggled with the language and practice of church, and who write thoughtfully and clearly. I don’t always agree with them, but they help me.

When thinking about your question, I read Psalm 38. A couple parts stood out. In the middle, David talks about being alone, about being abandoned by friends. At the end, he says to God, “don’t turn your back, please be near, come quick to help.” The plaintive passion of those words grabs me.

And one other thought: find a confessor. I don’t mean a priest necessarily. I mean someone you can tell, honestly, “here’s my struggle, here’s my sin” and who can say, “God forgives that, you know.” And who can sit next to you on a Sunday morning when you want to cry and say, “He still does.” And glare lovingly at prying eyes.