Let’s do a little exercise to help us examine one aspect of our communication.

Take all the words you have said while helping people during the last five years. Lay them across the table in front of you. Start sorting them into piles. Stack the duplicates by phrase. All the “Good job!”s go into one stack. All the “I’ll pray for you” go into another stack.

Got it? Go do it. I’ll wait here.

What? There aren’t very many of them encouraging words? Not as many as you wish? Don’t worry about that right now. We’ll cover that next time. For now, just look at the words that you have.

Ah yes. Good question. For now, don’t create a miscellaneous category. Let each of those be its own pile.

Okay everyone. Five more minutes.

Ready? Great. Let’s think through the words.

• What is your tallest pile? What things do you say over and over? Are they the kind of encouragement you would find helpful? What do they saw about what is core to you?
• What is the most specific pile? What statements only show up one time because you were listening to a specific need?
• What themes do you see? What ideas that show up regularly, like advice about money or advice about next steps.
• Make a list of the authorities that show up. Are there connections to the Bible? To Dr. Phil?
• What’s missing? What are the words that you thought you said? What are the kinds of encouragement that you wish you were doing?
• How often are you affirming? Teaching? Excusing? Scolding?

Nice work. Taking time to be honest with yourself is very hard. Now that you’ve done the analysis, think about a next step. Who is the next person you need to encourage?

What will you say?