At the beginning of my retreat time, I sat on the sofa where I was going to sleep, needing to find the starting point. A race starts with a pistol, but a retreat is an unrace, an anti-race. Starting with slowing, with soul-searching makes sense. Perhaps the best tool that process at the end of a day and the beginning of a retreat is examen.

Everyone who talks about spiritual disciplines talks about examen. It’s a Latin word which means, not surprisingly, examine. Although I’ve read about it often, the most helpful discussion for me is in Sacred Rhythms, by Ruth Haley Barton.

Barton talks about examen of consciousness, examen of conscience, and confession. Consciousness, in her model, means consciousness of God. Rather than starting with “I’m so awful”, we start with “God is working, let’s look for evidences.” Conscience is looking at me. And confession is agreeing with God that there is a problem.

She suggests starting reading aloud scripture that reminds you of God’s love. Sitting in the silence of a computer-fan free house, surrounded by fields, late at night, I discovered I’ve watched too many creepy stories. I needed to remember God’s love. For me, “the Lord is my shepherd” was an image that is comforting. Particularly when thinking about spiritual journeys.

Next, Barton says, “invite God to help you reflect.” Although we picture God naturally nagging this way, the idea of asking for the help makes me think differently about God. I’m learning to say at least once daily, “The Lord God is here.” I’m thinking that God likes to be asked, to be invited, to be acknowledged as being in the room.

I’m pausing the story here, partially to balance the 300 words between posts, mostly to treat the invitation as if I mean it.