I was reading Emotionally Healthy Spirituality for my class. In one chapter, the author lists the eight main families of emotions. It’s a common list. I’ve probably seen it before. But this time, I stopped. I realized that I hadn’t ever paid attention to the categories of emotions.
It’s not that I am unaware of emotion. Anyone who has spent much time with me knows that I cry, I feel, I ache. I even have a passion statement that says, “my passion is to help people emotionally understand the truth of God’s work.” It’s why I love story so much.
That said, I avoided psychology and interpersonal communication and small group communication as much as possible through my education. I slid by with “Child Psych” for my undergrad psych requirement. I took only the required interpersonal courses in my grad programs. I stuck with the mind side, pursuing rhetoric. There, I only had to think about emotion as one of three modes of persuasion: logos, ethos, and pathos (logic, character, and emotion).
Walking into this retreat, I noted that I wanted to ask God about this. Why did I structure an entire academic program that avoided emotion?
I’m wondering, as we’re talking today, God and I, if the reason I don’t want to take apart feelings is because I am afraid. Intellectually, I’m afraid of learning things that I will use strategically (“Here’s a way to appeal to guilt even more effectively.”) Personally, I’m afraid of learning things that I don’t like about my vulnerability. There is a fear of finding that I’m an imposter, appearing stable but emotionally adrift.
Even as I write that, I know the lie. Learning more about emotional health, about contemplative spirituality won’t unmake me. It won’t disintegrate me. It may, in fact deepen integrity.
300 words a day 
Hans Schiefelbein
Wow Jon, this is very transparent. Thanks for the honesty. Isn’t EHS such a good book?! I really was confronted withy he Wall. And the “dark night of the soul” rang true for me also. I’ll pray for you continued pursuit for emotionalyl healthy spirituality.
LikeLike
Jon Swanson
thanks Hans.
LikeLike
Cheryl Smith
Your post reminds me very much of one of Brene Brown’s TED Talks. Have you watched this? http://www.ted.com/talks/brene_brown_on_vulnerability.html
LikeLike
Jon Swanson
um, three times I think. And I’m reading “daring greatly” right now (I mean, this morning I was reading it.) Though I wrote this before reading her work. I’m captivated by her concept of shame: “Shame is the intensely painful feeling or experience that we are flawed and therefore unworthy of love and belonging.” As I was thinking about that this morning, I was thinking that we run from God and from others living in shame, in that feeling of unworthiness. And that actually, we are loved and therefore our flaws are best dealt with and healed in belonging.
LikeLike
Carolyn Arthur
Jon–I, too, read “Emotionally Healthy Spirituality” several years ago and found it to be a very liberating experience. I was in a small group that was only women, which helped me to open up more about my emotional background, but then sought out a beloved Christian brother to give me a male perspective on my experience. Truly a life-changing experience for me . . . 🙂
LikeLike
Jon Swanson
well done, of course.
LikeLike
jill
Hmmmmm…says the sister with a psychology degree…You know about some of my battles…of the past, and those that continue on.
I must say that I’m thankful that Truth overrules psychology…because even in my darkest of darkness, I know that God is God and way more powerful than my emotional life. In the words of Carol Sovine, “live by what you know, not by what you feel”.
Praying for you!
LikeLike
Jon Swanson
And I think, as i read this, that it isn’t an either/or. There is both be aware and know the Truth, let the latter give the framework that helps to heal, slowly, the former.
as you show.
LikeLike