I’m teaching a course about pastoral care. I decided to record a conversation with a couple friends who are licensed counselors and chaplains and experienced in church (and other) ministry. It’s a great conversation.

And the video has three voices but only two faces.

When I’m on video calls, I often get rid of self-view. I can get distracted by myself. What I forgot is that when I record those calls, the recording only shows what’s on my screen. No self-view, no third face showing on the recording.

I appreciate the irony of feeling like I failed when the conversation was about being helpful and pointing toward counseling. And I’m laughing about the idea of being so concerned about being distracted by my own face that I don’t offer the visual help that having three people to each other would provide.

I think we are worrying too much about getting things “right”. Perhaps we are worrying too much about getting the right things that don’t matter much, and in the process we are missing things that matter.

In “Is HGTV harming our hospitality?“, Lara d’Entremont suggests that “the fears our culture impresses on us—through home improvement shows and social media influencers—can often distort the true heart of hospitality.” There’s a gap between what we see as “right” and what we see in the mirror, or on our table, or in our words, and we give up. We decide we’ve failed.

Nancy suggested that I write about Mexican food. It’s what she’s fixing for supper with a friend. It will be wonderful. But there isn’t a food stylist who will touch up the stray cheese strings before we eat. And the table still bears grooves from homework done decades ago.

That won’t keep us from eating and talking and laughing and listening.

I worry too much about getting it right. But the two-headed video will still be part of the course. And the dinner will be good. And our friend will ring the doorbell and then walk into a house marked by Ben.

Amen.

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“Finding Words in Hard Times” is my weekly newsletter with stories and tools to help you be more comfortable as you help others in hard times. Tonight’s issue will be a little more personal. I’d love for you to subscribe: thisishard.substack.com