I wrote this for a funeral service I did on Monday. I decided to share it with you.

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When I read the story of Jesus and Bartimaeus, I wish I knew more about Bartimaeus.

We know that he was blind. We know that he made his living by begging for money. He lived from tips from the people who walked past.

It was an acknowledged way of making a living for people who couldn’t make a living any other way. And in the religious system, giving to the poor was an accepted way of demonstrating your religious commitment.

Even Judas, the one who betrayed Jesus, once argued that some money, rather than being  spent on Jesus, could have been given to the poor.

But often, when people do things for religious reasons, there is a sense of obligation. We think more about what we the giver get out of it than we do about how it helps.

And in that setting, the people who figure out how to lighten the mood will live best. To help people feel better about themselves. To help people smile a bit. Their tips will be better. They will be a little more welcome.

I’m guessing, though it’s a guess, that Bartimaeus was one of those people. He knew himself. He knew how to listen. He was aware of people and what they could do, what they were capable of. It’s possible that he got good tips because of that awareness of people.

But here’s the thing about Bartimaeus. When asked, he knew what he really wanted. The impossible. He wanted to see.

Everyone else he asked for money or offered the opportunity to give.

But when it was Jesus, he knew that this was the one person who could make a difference. Not one of the religious people he knew could solve this. They just had money.

But Jesus? The one that everyone wanted at parties? The one that religious people didn’t like, but that all the people on the edges of society came to?

Bartimaeus knew that he was different.

Bartimaus was loud. And so, when he heard it was Jesus, he called out. His voice traveled in the crowd, and as much as the dignified people wanted him to be quiet, he called out all the more.

And Jesus noticed. Jesus stopped. Jesus called for him. Jesus asked him want he wanted.

“I want to see.”

Clear, simple, no excuses, no false humility, no bargaining, no deals.

He told Jesus that he wanted to see.

And Jesus healed him.

It didn’t make his life easier, of course. No one gives money to a walking seeing miracle. He now had to figure out what to do for a living. But the first face he saw when he could see was Jesus.

And that was a good place to start.

Sometimes in the quiet moments alone, in our heads, we hear Jesus’s voice, too. We call out for mercy. And Jesus says, “What do you want?”

We can answer, like Bartimaeus, “I want to see.”

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So, here’s what I know. I know that I talked about this at a funeral. Where clearly, someone wasn’t healed. Right? But I’m also pretty sure that there are other kinds of seeing that we ask for. I’m not trying to create wiggle room. But I do want to see.