Sunday morning I was up early. The alarm was set for 5 am so I could start running at 6 am. I got up, ate part of a bagel with peanut butter, shaved, read, and changed. I was nervous about the run. At 5:45 I started thinking about my anxiety.
I started to unpack the fear.
I’ve never run 18 miles, so that could be what was causing the nerves. But I ran 16 miles the week before, and 14 the week before that. I’ve been building to this.
There were no time limits. It isn’t a race. Andrew (our son) was going to join me for the last two/thirds of the run, so I would have company. My coach has been encouraging. My nutrition has been working. There are no rules against walking when necessary.
There was nothing to fear.
Except for my habit of fear. I get nervous. I struggle with expectations. I worry about what people might think. I worry about making choices that are merely good, not great.
I looked at my reflection in the mirror and laughed. I was about to take on the longest run of my life and there was nothing to fear.
I talked last week about insecurity and about the way Jesus used “little faith” as a term of endearment. He did this while dealing with the cause of fearfulness.
RIch Dixon talked last week about the danger of zooming in on fear. Rich talked about a time when the apparent size of a hill kept him from trying to ride his handcycle up. And then he realized:
“We don’t have to face fear without context. I know I can climb that hill because I’m climbed other hills. That’s the power of hope, moving forward confidently based on faith. Faith looks back, sees promises kept and goals achieved. Hope lets you project forward based on a sure foundation.”
Sometimes there are reasons for anxiousness. But often it comes just from habit.
With friends like Rich, it’s a habit I’m working to break.
The run went fine. Better than I could have dreamed. The marathon is October 1. Thanks for asking.