I’ve known since Sunday about Ben. But I haven’t let you know. It wasn’t my news to share first. That was up to Hope and Dan, Ben’s parents. But now Hope has made the facebook/instagram official announcement and shared a couple pictures and so I can share this one.
Benjamin Andrew is our grandson.
There was much anxiety in my heart about him. Not because of any problems identified, but because I am aware of what can happen during pregnancy. It’s part of our awareness as chaplains. I wrote about this in July (“Occupational Hazards“). As I wrote there,
After talking about her own experiences, my friend Jen wrote this to me: “I told my best friend how scared I was to even hope; That it felt like accepting the possibility of horror and tragedy was far easier than accepting the possibility of a baby. She replied, ‘That’s OK. You don’t need to hope. I will do that for you. I will hold onto hope for you.’ That, friend, is my promise to you. I’ll hold hope when you cannot.”
Jen checked in during the last few months, aware, as were Hope and Nancy and a couple others, of my tendency to be prepared for the hard moments we see regularly. It’s helpful, by the way, to have some friends who say, “I understand” rather that, “you just have to have faith.” I do have faith. And I know what happens.
Last weekend, when Hope was in the hospital at the start of the process, she sent us a 6-second recording of the heartbeat.
I teared up again. Nancy said, compassionately, “Stop going to the worst that could happen.”
“I was already there,” I said. “I’m crying because this isn’t the worst.”
After Ben was born, I sent Jen a text.
“So God is always good and always gracious. So I don’t know what to call it when you hold your living grandson. But whatever that is, that. Thank you for holding on for me.”
“You call it joy,” Jen said.
I was going to write a lesson. But you can find your own.