Tonight I’ll be talking about “Surviving the holidays – no matter your loss” here in Fort Wayne. I’m offering six invitations, or permissions.

One invitation is “finding gracious community, even if it isn’t biological.”

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A month ago, we went to the memorial service for Carol Dugan. I first met Carol on the first night I was in Fort Wayne in 1985. She and her husband picked me up at the airport for a job interview at Fort Wayne Bible College. We drove to campus for me to see it. And we stopped at a grocery because she needed to pick up something for a potluck the next day.

That hospitality was part of her story.

Richard died in 2001. Sometime after that, Carol and a few other widows started getting together for meals and meaning and community.

At her service, one of the eulogies was from her family. The other two were from women in the group of widows.

Many of you may have found friends who share a common loss.

What’s helpful is that you don’t have to explain what is hard, you don’t have to justify your hesitancy or tears or really unfortunate humor.

You can commiserate.

And that’s a very helpful thing sometimes.

We often think we have to put on a happy face. It’s a relief to be with people who don’t expect that kind of performance.

The Griefshare group at the place I’m speaking, and the GriefConnect group which is more informal, are places where I listen to people being with people who understand, who affirm that those thoughts aren’t crazy, those feelings aren’t wrong.

And given the choice between the family gathering and the gathering of understanding friends, it’s okay to go with the friends if that’s what you need to survive the holidays.