A friend called me to account. My attitudes were hurting them enough that they even said our friendship was in jeopardy. I had no idea that my attitudes and words had been so offensive. I am so glad they told me!

We must not be afraid to confront the people in our lives. It took a lot of courage for that friend to tell me about my attitudes. If they hadn’t, I might have continued in my harmful ways, blissfully unaware. Using the analogy of cancer, because my friend confronted me, chemotherapy is now doing what it’s supposed to. If that friend had not confronted me, later amputation would have been necessary.

That confrontation had a big effect in my life. Another friend now has to hear me say, “Oops, I can’t say that sort of thing anymore!” And even harder, I can’t let my heart go into the attitudinal tunnels that cause those harmful words. But I am able to cry out to God, “Change my heart!” And the friend who hears me stop myself is holding me accountable.

Here are a few tips on confrontation from John Erickson, from a recent sermon:

• Take time to examine yourself before confronting. Remove your own plank before talking about the other person’s stick (Matthew 7:1-5). That passage is often interpreted to mean that we should not confront at all. But other passages from the Bible clearly state the need for us to confront, such as Galatians 6:1.
• Act like a doctor to bring healing and not an enemy who attacks. Be gentle and humble.
• If confronted, don’t go so far that your self-examination becomes selfish in its consumption of your mental and spiritual energy.
• If confronted, pause before you react. It’s all too easy to immediately jump to your own defense.

(Paul Merrill writes here every First Friday.)