I know that you are disappointed. You were really hoping for that.
You were praying and being open and trying to not be too optimistic, but you had some valid reasons to want it. And it went to someone else who you know will do fine.
But you are disappointed.
A couple thoughts.
First, it’s not a sin to have wanted it, nor is it a sin to be disappointed, nor is it a sin to be sad, to be frustrated, to feel stuck.
I give you permission to feel that way for two weeks.
(I know. I’m not in a permission giving role. And two weeks feels oddly specific. Whatever. Sometimes we need someone to set limits and to offer permission.)
Second, you don’t have to find meaning in this. You want to say, “at least I.” You want to say, “But apparently God.” You want to use the “God, door, window” language. I understand that desire. But that will leave you looking for another door or another window. But perhaps, rather than looking for lessons or meaning, you could look for more coffee. And sip it and live.
Third, God with us, Emmanuel, is with us. Not with that other outcome, that other location, through that other door. With us. Maybe even drinking coffee with us.
I know. You want something profound.
And all you get is me saying, “I know. This is disappointing. I’m here. You are loved.”
But I know that in some of those disappointing moments while I’m working it through, that I don’t need profound, I need simple love. And I simply need love.