Where Was He?

More from Rich Dixon


Before we meet Pete, this pesky question from last time: Where was Jesus?

He was right there, of course, but I seemed to think Jesus and my pain somehow had little to do with each other.

I was a “baby believer.” At the most difficult moment of my life, I attempted a self-guided graduate course in theology – desperately seeking to synthesize a complex mass of subtle concepts like pain, love, grief, redemption, guilt, forgiveness, Good, Evil, hope, faith into a coherent structure – while I adapted to a radically altered reality. I also self-diagnosed significant psychological maladies, scrambling to integrate the entire mess into cogent internal logic.

That’s precisely why I needed guidance. My continued insistence that I could contend with this devastating situation by myself produced a self-ordained cycle of destruction.

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Even when Evil perverts the Good He intends, God works for good in all things.

God. Not me.

I don’t have to make senseless events make sense. That’s God’s job. Even in the broken body and shattered dreams of a life devoid of hope, God will work for good. He creates hope where none exists. When I cannot find the faith to trust, when I refuse to try, He will always work for good. It’s the story of Relentless Grace.

In retrospect, I’m certain Jesus wept with me, felt every bit of the pain and fear, and stood beside me when all I could see was loss and grief. He was at work from those first terrible moments, ready to bring good from the terrible tangle my life had become.

When I saw bleakness, God envisioned a life of hope and fulfillment. At the lowest times, when I rejected everyone He sent to help, God provided.

When I finally reached the end of my ability to resist, God sent Pete to guide me from the darkness.

To be continued…

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